Archivals 6: Friendships, envy, hair removal, and being human! (aka get over first world problems there are far worse out there!). :-D

Hello Skinlovers!

 

More digging and drudging up the past here we go enjoy:

NOV 2010

 

Intro:

This month we tackle Friendships, pain and trust.

In my books these things are very closely intertwined, facts of life: You will be disappointed in life more than once, it is how you deal with it that makes you the wonderful messed up creature that you are, a human.

Remember it is not what you say it is what you do, and who says you shouldn’t look good while doing it, right?

 

Pained/ Hair today gone tomorrow!

Q: Dear Mizz V.

I shave my body hair and it is so time consuming and I always wind up with bumps, nicks and cuts, how do I avoid that? I was also thinking of getting a bikini wax/sugaring, should I? How do I avoid all the problems? Please help!

 

A: Dear Pained,

I know it sound like some medieval torture process, but I am here to guide you along the sticky (pun intended) path of depilation! As the pain to some is on par with childbirth here are some ways to minimise the pain.

  • Get comfortably numb: If you are sensitive, apply a topical anaesthetic gel/cream (I find the best is EMLA by Astra), be sure to rub thoroughly avoiding delicate areas it is numbing after all!
  • Numb: Never schedule a waxing/sugaring treatment just before or during your period as that is when you will be most sensitive. You can take an Aspirin or Ibuprofen (make sure you do not have ulcers or Asthma though, it can trigger attacks) about 30 minutes before your appointment, I don’t think it really numbs the pain so much as calms you down and reduces inflammation. Or take a cure from a friend of mine she downs to shots of hard liquor before letting anyone near her.
  • Wander free: Have your IPod handy, and make sure you have some meditation or relaxing music, some people believe Mozart works wonders! If you really are freaking out, visualise yourself in your expensive lingerie, or think about something happy. You might want a Brazilian!
  • Hands on: After each yank make sure the plucker holds her hand on the area to block the pain, if she does not ask her to, or do it yourself. The hand pressure should aid in numbing the pain.
  • Skin Soothing: Some people use alcohol to remove last traces of wax or sugar, well, that is painful you can use Hydrogen peroxide it is milder and besides it doubles up as a damned good antiseptic. Afterwards get them to apply an Aloe rich cream or Diaper rash cream to the area to moisturise it.
  • Maintenance: Remember upkeep is important use creams that have AHA and/or Salicylic Acid to prevent bumps, also there are moisturisers out there that contain hair retardants while moisturising and softening the hair. Remember the more you sugar or wax the less hair there will be, and it gets softer and lighter!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Continued below 😀

 

Stabbed

Q: Dear Ms. Velour,

My best friend has a serious problem (well it is mine actually) Every time I am interested in a man, she goes and seduces him, I know how to handle the situation but what I am asking is this: I really like the guy, and we seem to have a chemistry, but I am not interested in someone’s leftovers. He says he isn’t interested in her!

 

A: Dear Stabbed: Now let me get this straight! Your treacherous bra strap of a backstabbing “friend” is seducing fellows you like and repeatedly defiling the sacred oath of girl-friendship and you’re asking me about the guy?

Dear drop her now! Faster than a hot potato! Dissolve her! She’s a toxic element and you do not need to be poisoned. She’s stealing your man, violating your loyalty and trust, and leaving you to suffer the consequences alone. Annihilate little miss muck morals from existence¬

And then take a good long hard look into yourself and try to figure out the reason why you want such dung stinking up the smell of the blossoms in your life. And as for the guy, well, forget him he is not worth it!

 

 

Envious (I am! I really mean it!)

Q: Dear Miss Vel.

I have been married for four years now and I am extremely happy. My husband and I share so many interests – sports, reading, watching stand-up comedy, eating junk food (and I haven’t gained an gram) – and we do just about everything together. As a result I have let many of my female friendships languish. I just don’t feel the need to get together with them (unless they’re having some sort of crisis) because I have so much fun with my husband, and my female friends can be so touchy and high maintenance. I recently read somewhere that you should never let your husband be your best friend. Are we headed for trouble? Should I try and revive some friendships that are all but dead from neglect? Yours Worried.

 

A: Dear Worried,

Give me your address my palm wants to meet your face! (as in I am green with envy)…

Congratulations Madame! You just walked away with the fervently coveted “We- Should- All – Have- Your- Problem Prize”. Now, give old Velzzy a kiss and get out of here.

P.S. Make plans to see your girlfriends twice a month (for shopping, Cocktail quaffing, parachute jumping, you get the gist, but it won’t do much good, some marriages are so tight, so sparkling, so joyful they can’t be disrupted! Damn you! 😀

 

OUTRO:

Ladies & Gentlemen,

You lives are hard as they are, some of you are lucky, some of you are unlucky, but that is life in all its gory wonder.

Here’s what you can do to make it easier,

Weed out the toxic elements in it, poisonous friend who only bring drama into your life. Get rid of disloyal, untrustworthy, leeches, you really do not need them in your life.

You must evaluate what each friend brings to the table that enriches your life makes it better. Those who do not measure up to your exacting standards, and they should be your standards not the opinion of others, after all it is your life and you only have this time around, so why waste it on users.

Be safe be good, and if you can’t be good be careful!

 

Advertisements

About descantia

A melting pot of contradictions! Artist, Designer (most media), Copywriter, Thespian, Chanteuse, Dancer, Performance artist, Make-up artist and so much more... The penultimate liberal hedonist with conservative leanings! Exacting, free, libertine with a Courtesan mentality! Honest, blunt, viciously unkind when dealing with fools, ingrates, liars, and any deceivers. Detests: Hypocrisy, Disloyalty, Infidelity, Stupidity, Anyone Devoid of Morals Ethics and decent manners and behaviour. Loves being a Snarky Grumpy Bitter Old Elitist!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s