Questional 1 (How one gives and dispenses advice and unleashes snark on the loyal readers). :-D

Hello Skinlovers!

In the time honoured (by now) tradition, I decided to repost some of my old articles and musing on you the poor unsuspecting suffering readers, so here we go from my stint as Jordan’s first and Only Agony Aunt Mz. Velour (the best worst kept secret in town). 😀

Mz. Velour Redux!.

 

Q. Mz. Velour:

My hands and nails are extremely dry what can I do about it, I hate using creams as I feel they make my hands sticky, what can I do to fix my hands?

Yours Handy!

Dear Handy, life is full of sacrifice isn’t it?

The water in the country is so harsh that I use bottled/ filtered water to wash my hair and face, so why don’t you do the same.

Also use a non-soapy gentle soap and lukewarm water and instead of rubbing your hands to dry them pat them dry with an extremely soft towel or better still air dry them.

At night use some Sweet Almond Oil, Jojoba oil, or Argan oil which are dry oils and absorbed quickly by the skin, be sure to give your cuticles an extra once-over, and for something extravagant get some cotton loose fitting gloves, smother your hands in a rich cream, wear the gloves overnight, and you’ll have lovely soft hands in the morning.

 

Q: Dear Ms.V

Help! I have dark circles around my eyes and so do most of the girls in my family, how do I get rid of it or which is the best concealer to use?

Panda

O Dearie me!

Well, my dear panda, you are a tad unlucky… But I will try and give you some help, you can buy a cream online called “Hylexine” which is supposedly the best cream to lighten dark spots, but I cannot say that it works for certain never had that problem.

But there are ways to cover dark circles without resorting to potentially harmful bleaching agents.

Concealer: If you skin is dark use a peach coloured concealer, and if it is more fair use an orange toned one, this is after applying your foundation (that way you don’t have to use too much concealer and you avoid the crêpe effect), use minimal amounts and pat it into the skin. You can also use a stick foundation it gives better coverage. A shimmer cream under the eys can also camouflage darkness by reflecting light…

Here’s a home remedy to try:

Get a raw potato and mash it, then apply potato paste to the area beneath your eyes and leave on for 20 minutes (keep your head raised at an angle, so as not to get the liquid from the potato into your eyes it burns!), rinse off, apply moisturiser. Do this 3 times a week, and hopefully you’ll see some positive results, think what potato starch does to a stain on your rug or sofa!

  

Q. Dear Mz. V

My boyfriend/fiancée keeps criticising me, telling me how to wear my hair, colour it and now he’s telling me I need to have corrective surgery, what should I do?

Yours Confused.

My dear little confused one! DUMP THE JERK!

How dare he tell you anything at all, I mean he went out with you for a reason, didn’t he? Where does this idiot get the idea that his opinion is required, darling, his acceptance and opinions are neither required nor desired.

Get out of this relationship PRONTO! It’s an unhealthy one.

Go out there and find someone who loves you for being you, and not someone who hates women and is a closet case and actually is jealous of that fabulous creature that is you. And let me guess he looks like Brad Pitt! (NOT!)

Let me tell you my dears, this is one thing that really irritates me, how some men try to undermine your self-confidence in order for them to appear better. Do not let them do it! They got attracted to you for a reason, or am I mistaken? Besides he thinks he’s all that, get a mirror and put him in front of it, and start pointing out his faults, and let’s see how he likes it. He says you should be a blonde; tell him that he should get a hair transplant etc. You get the gist.

 

 

Q. Dear V.

I have a small problem, my husband and I have been married for 6 years our relationship is fantastic, but, his mother keeps on interfering in our lives. Example: She came over a few weeks back, and told us she had bought us new dining room furniture (I should be happy but her taste isn’t mine, she likes gilded and gaudy while I like minimalism!), she’s a darling, but so nosy and domineering how can I tell her to back off in a nice way?

Yours Alarmed.

That’s Mz.V to you!

The road to hell is paved with good intentions!

The poor dear is sooo desperate for attention and doesn’t know how to go about getting it in a healthy way. She’s feeling ignored maybe and wants to be a bigger part of your life. (Now that I’ve got rid of my bleeding heart liberal sentiments!) Darling Nip it in the bud before it spirals even more out of control!

Take the dear out to dinner/coffee/brunch at least once or twice a week, maybe go shopping with her, set aside some quality time for her, go get facials and do your hair together (your treat).

When shopping point out the things you think are tasteful and suit your décor, she’ll eventually get the hint. If she doesn’t try and tell her gently or not, that your tastes are different, if she still doesn’t get it, tell her bluntly that you’d rather have the money and buy the things you’d like to have (not the best route, but effective).

Mind you she might take offence, which you cannot help, but at least you’d have cleared the air. But ask yourself this; is it worth the family feud? You say she’s a darling, but do you really want to alienate her?

Try and talk things out with her on neutral territory and maybe you can reach an amicable understanding. If not then ask her for the receipts on the stuff she buys so you can exchange them if necessary, and maybe then she’ll get the general idea.

 

 

Q. Dearest Mz. Velour,

I’m getting married soon and now I’m getting cold feet, there’s just so much pressure on us, I want to elope and get away from it all. Both sides of the family are driving me insane with the dinners and social obligations, what can I do, it’s getting to me, I feel like calling the whole thing off!

Yours Going Slightly Mad.

 

Dear Going Slightly Mad,

Ha! You asked for it! (Just kidding!).

Dearie Me!

It isn’t like you didn’t know it was going to happen. Puh-Lease!
In our society once you announce the fact that you want to get engaged, you lose all control of your life, both sides of the families will step in and arrange your life for you, whether you like it or not, you have been reduced to the status of a minor who doesn’t know what is good for them! And all that before you’ve even set the date for the wedding. The only advice I can give is to start medicating yourself with anti-anxiety or anti-depressants because it sure isn’t going to get easier with time, the closer you get to the date of the wedding the more stress and anxiety you will experience. Try and make a deal with your family and in-laws to be, i.e. X amount of functions a week, and a whole day off with no mention off the up-coming nuptials, if you want a simple wedding state it and do not budge an inch, invite only the closest members of the family and friends to the dinner, and all the social pay-backs to the reception. Try and plan for all worse case scenarios, the flowers and all the other stuff well ahead of time.

Do not try and be experimental just before the wedding. Remember to breathe deeply and count to thirteen before giving anyone a reply to anything. Also remember that this is your day and remind yours and his family of that, and if their fragile egos are bruised so be it at least you’ll have peace of mind, also remember that you are going to forget to invite some people you love to the wedding, but you can always phone them and say you’d rather have them over for an intimate candle lit dinner where you’ll have more ability to enjoy their company.

My dear this is a day to remember but it is after all just another day with a twist (think honeymoon), you’ll have your whole life together (if all goes well!) and if things didn’t quite go as planned on the day, laugh it off, because there are worse things that could happen, so be happy you snagged your love-bug and enjoy the day with a certain sense of nonchalance.

 

That’s it for now!

Be safe and be sun-blocked!

The style in which I write is the same way I talk it was actually funny that poeple guessed it was me writing the columns but people were enjoying that snarky attitude.

And here is some art by moi (and a snarky postcard) for your enjoyment too, 😀

 

 

ImageImage

 

ImageImageImage

 

 

  

Advertisements

About descantia

A melting pot of contradictions! Artist, Designer (most media), Copywriter, Thespian, Chanteuse, Dancer, Performance artist, Make-up artist and so much more... The penultimate liberal hedonist with conservative leanings! Exacting, free, libertine with a Courtesan mentality! Honest, blunt, viciously unkind when dealing with fools, ingrates, liars, and any deceivers. Detests: Hypocrisy, Disloyalty, Infidelity, Stupidity, Anyone Devoid of Morals Ethics and decent manners and behaviour. Loves being a Snarky Grumpy Bitter Old Elitist!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s