So I am back with a few scribblings and scratches.
I was day-dreaming and suddenly remembered a carved saying (don’t ask me where I saw it, I cannot recall) on a wall, it was a line in latin, it was simple it was powerful, and it shaped my life when I realised that this is how my life will unfold, and when I said it to my friends who are ever the optimists (while I am the cynical bitter realist) they replied you never this will never happen to you, and guess what? I was right and they are wrong.
The simplest line that had the earth shattering effect on my was this:
” SENEX ET SOLUS ” for those of you who do notknow latin it means simply this ” OLD AND ALONE “.
The funny thing is once I resigned myself to this simple truth, life took on a whole different clarity and lucidity, I realised I had to rely on me,myself and I, and that no one was going to be there fo me, sort of like a solitary island in the ocean of the infinite. It made dealing with life easier, and it made coping with the various losses more bearable.
Yes, it was hard, yes it was lonely but in the end it mademe stronger for it. I needed no one to make me happy, I relied on me. I made my way I made my happiness (or the closest thing to happiness I know, I have never been and will never be a “Happy” person, instead I enjoy contentment (which is NOT the same as happiness), and no I am not depressed or if I am I am coping with it well.
People disappointed me at an early age, and then from disappointment it turned to boredom. Yes, I concluded that a majority of people on this planet bore me not to tears but to rage, they waffle on about worthless crap, their conversations empty, and their body is but a hollow soulless shell with zero content just sometime pleasant packaging and presentation.
“Noteriety was not as good as fame, but was heaps better than obscurity”. (Niel Gaiman/ Terry Pratchett Good Omens).
Noteriety I am and was very familiar with, my personality isn’t the kind that fits in and toe the line especially for a twisted society filled with self-doubt and hypocrisy like the West-Ammani one. I am not damning it I am just observing that this is how I saw it and still do.
They have made mediocrity into a virtue and an artform, they have made lies into truth (of course a lot of societies the world over are the same but I am dealing with the one I am in now), the talentless and ignorant are dictating what is supposedly taste, forgetting that some of us have more breeding and lineage in a speck of dust on our little finger thanthey would ever hope to achieve in a millennia.
Yes under all this haughty is quite a bit of naughty that is true, I do still have a sense of humour and deal with them in my usual sarcastic cynical acerbic way, most of the times it just flies over their heads which is also funny. And mission is this to show people that experience is a bitter teacher. But youlearn my God you learn!
Here are a few thoughts which Ifind useful and consoling and entertainig:
- Trying to close a door on rage is like trying to shut the door on a flood.
- It is hard to shut a door when it has blown of at the hinges.
- What we need is a kick inour complacency.
- Flawed logic leads to interesting misunderstandings.
- Beyond study and instrumentation there is instinct.
- What a lot of people need in this town is some editorial skill in their manners.
- Be reasonable and do things my way!
- The devil is in the machinery not the details as one thought.
- The legion of the Dumb not the Damned.
- I believe in coincidences; coincidences happen every day, but I do not trust coincidences.
- To feed your soul, you must feed your mind. Feast your eyes, and satisfy hunger by eating bitter experience.
- I would rather wake up with you… On the losing side.
- This is not going to be pleasant, in fact this is going to be very unpleasant.
- Spin the webs of deceit, creating a puzzle within a puzzle tell a lie so true and hide inplain sight.
- Intimate Enemies.
- Destructive Passivity.
- Aggressive Compacency.
- Violence is a precision Tool/Weapon not an instrument but a scalpel and not a club.
- It is indeed a full life if a trifle banal.
- Some people are entertainment of the lowest quality but of the highest entertainment.
- Sometimes when you cannot have victory you may have to settle for revenge.
- Some people do not even measure up to my lowest standards.
- Amman arrid landscapes that reflect barren minds where no water has been seen for centuries and a thirst that cannot be quenched.
- Paratysis, that numbing frozen feeling of not being able to move.
- Do not put your trust in anyone saves for later disappointments.
- I am not above or below anyone, I am just to the side of everyone and everything.
- Take a moment if you will stand back from your ego.
- Pain happens when you care, what I have done all my adult life has been targeted at avoiding it. Instead of being like the rest of the world treating it like a treasure hunt I simply chose not to go digging for it.
- We may love with our hearts but we first lust with our eyes.
- Faith is NOT a disease. But it is communicable and kills a lot of people.
- Their interests range from Nosey to pardon the cavity search.
- I do not understand judgemental nor do I speak bigot, so take yourself away and begone.
- You jumped at it like a drag queen at a free pair of nylons.
- Here is a bit of advice for free! Alter your perception, here is a clue get your head out of your arse and see the world as it truly is.
- I wouldn’t lean on you in any situation you are so greasy that I would probably slide off.
- Get out of my face before I act on the impulse of changing you from a vertical life-force to a horizontal flat-line.
Things like thispop into my head at random or when I am conversing with humans, it just pops in and sometimes I just blurt them out to hear how they sound (which causes a lot of merriment tfor my friends), well I will leave you with one final little thing.
People accuse me of being haughty and arrogant, which I do admit it is sometimes how I feel, but people haven’t figured out the difference between Arrogant, Self-absorbed, Narcissistic, and Self-confident and I have come to realise that it is not my job to teach them that, so let society and the public be damned I owe them nothing, andif Iam alone I will not miss people because I dismiss people.
Have a good one and be safe all of you out there.