I have been accused of being contradictory, unstable, and insincere by some… 😀
Well, I thought, this I have to address. Not that I need to explain myself (or as I like to call it: “Misunderstand me correctly now!”), because people hear what they want to hear and depending on the social background and status will comprehend things from their limited or not so limited view. So misunderstandings are inevitable on all levels.
Yes, I might come across and give the impression that I am being insincere (well, maybe I am, but at least I didn’t say “Bored Now” and walk off, like I have been known to do), perhaps I do have the tendency to appear shallow and superficial (aka I am extremely shallow and deeply superficial and I love it, well, I have been known to say that but that is because I find most things boring).
If I appear distant it is because I am pre-occupied or bored, not a fault of anyones but simply because I am jaded, there are very few surprises for me left under this sky and in this existence. People think that’s arrogant, but you do have to remember I am a sensualist and a hedonist! I have made it a point to experience as much as I could in this life. The partying, the Art, the Performances all these things made me into this fabulous monster that I am.
Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
But what if you have had no joy inside, what if you have been suffering from Anhedonia most of your life, and you were desperately trying to fill in a void in yourself?
What if every time you woke up from the age of 5 onwards and thought to yourself: “What fresh hell is this? What misery am I going to have to deal with today!” And true to your thoughts you were not disappointed in that at least.
Life is a roller coaster but mine has been more of a tsunami free fall, but that has been all right because I am like a rubber ball I ounce right back.
I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.
SO true, I did what I did, and I did it all in the name of living. Yes I made mistakes, yes I faltered along the way! But theses mistakes were mine and mine alone to make, they gave me learning material for life, they became weapons in my arsenal in this great battle called life. And yes life is a battle-field (not love as the song goes), life is that constant struggle uphill, it is that hard slog up a muddy slope trailing the huge burden of society behind you It is you getting knocked down on your arse by fate and jumping right up again and punching fate and destiny in the face.
People will try and control by stating that you can’t do this and you can’t do that. And I say to them up yours, I do as I do when I feel like doing it. And no one can take that away from me. I am me and I am free. And as long as I harm no one you have no right whatsoever to tell me otherwise.
If you want people to treat you differently then you must baulk at what they try and mould you into their vision of you. You will stand back and say hell no! I will not fit into your frame and you cannot pigeon-hole me, and labels are for things and not people. Yes they will call you crazy, yes they will say you are difficult, and selfish, but that is only because you refused to conform to their standards.
You are responsible for your own well-being, and if that well-being and peace of mind means that you have to be selfish so be it, but do not let it slip into the negative of being narcissistic, crass and commonly self-obsessed, that is so vulgar and without any sense of style and refinement.
Remember be true to yourself, and live life as you only have one life to live.