Quands toutes est Gris le pain est mon ami!

Hello Skinlovers!

As the haze lifts and I see clearer now then I ever did, thinking to myself is that all there is, is that all there is to a mid-life crisis? ūüėÄ

O well I guess, we can call it Andro-pause (the male version of MEN-O-PAUSE!), after all it has been a dry white season (more like a millennium).
A year older but maybe this time a little bit wiser, nope I do not think so, I reserve the right to be foolish and believe that maybe there might be a shred of decency left in humanity, so far I have been disappointed. But that is just me and I have set my standards to high that no one can live up to them, and thus subconsciously forcing myself to be disappointed again!
Is it too much to ask for that people are honest? Respectful? Ethical? Moral? It seems so in this town at least (yes yes I know the rest of the world is just as sick, but I am here and this is my now, and that is what I concern myself with).
I want to believe in the best of Zoomanity, but time and again disappointment rears his ugly head and smacks me in the face. While I hate whining and complaining and I prefer bitching, it is just getting a bit too repetitive. I say ignore and move on, but it gets harder with all the crap that accumulates on the bottom of your shoes and you have to drag it along with you while it just gets larger and large and impedes your movement until in the end you fall flat on your face!

Boredom, ennui, monotony all these are just as much killers as stress because they are silent and¬†insidious, they attack on a level that you can’t perceive you just know it is there, and you get frustrated because you are blue and you just cannot put your finger on it and pinpoint exactly why but you know you are! And then add people to the mix, the kind of people who have no respect for your time, and then they belittle your disappointment and they just cannot fathom why you want to rip them to shreds…

I guess I should be used to it by now, but wait a second! Isn’t that what they call complacency? Damn! So that is it! There is the answer I was looking for, I have become complacent and comfortably dumb, this is what the people in this country do to you! Hmmm must rethink strategy, the jelly-fish existence does not suit me, it has taken a toll on my health and my figure. This explains what my psychiatrist friend who works for the Danish air-force said to me: “You are exhibiting the classic symptoms of PTSS (post traumatic stress syndrome) and chronic depression, you function but on the lowest levels of energy.” Now I understand…

So this is my little ode to Mid-life crisis, something has got to give!

Be nice and play safe!


About descantia

A melting pot of contradictions! Artist, Designer (most media), Copywriter, Thespian, Chanteuse, Dancer, Performance artist, Make-up artist and so much more... The penultimate liberal hedonist with conservative leanings! Exacting, free, libertine with a Courtesan mentality! Honest, blunt, viciously unkind when dealing with fools, ingrates, liars, and any deceivers. Detests: Hypocrisy, Disloyalty, Infidelity, Stupidity, Anyone Devoid of Morals Ethics and decent manners and behaviour. Loves being a Snarky Grumpy Bitter Old Elitist!
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2 Responses to Quands toutes est Gris le pain est mon ami!

  1. kinziblogs says:

    WOW! I think it is better to stay alive and feel the disappointment than go numb and complacent.

    I am a firm believer in the depravity of mankind that, all humans are incurably evil and bent toward selfishness. It works for me as any kind, selfless thing is a bonus to celebrate. Different than denial, but easier to maintain than continual disappointment.

    I think that, like you, I surround myself with trusted people who are nurturing, authentic and life-giving – whether in encouragement or in challenging me to excel where I am lagging.

    Birthday blessings to you Des!

    • descantia says:

      THe problem is this! I have been here since I returned in 1998. And I said to myself I would survive it, and survive it I did, through my mothers illness and subsequently her death in 2006, where I felt as if somebody ripped me in half with a rusty blunt chainsaw. And I survived that without breaking down.
      And yes I’m still here, but what type of survival is existence without that taste and zest for life. Nothing. So I seek and I search and I occasionally find a glimmer of something satisfying, and then the human element rears its ugly head and it is back to square on.
      So in the meantime I would love to be insensitive, because as Tennesee Williams described what happiness was: “Insensitivity I guess!” And there you have it.

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